To People I Love.

Hi,

Just an update for the updated hearts that beat ever so fastly when they reach my blog and who nearly have heart attacks when they find out I haven't written anysing. *grin* (I like you!)


I've been so full of emotions lately. It's crazy, some sort of menopause or....pregnancy or.... big change thing in this frail body of mine that I'm not quite sure what it's called. (No, Im not pregnant) But geesh, these emotions are sweeping me off my own feet and taking me to places sooo unknown. If you're not understanding me....

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I wake up and start singing the song that I went to sleep with, but the song reminds me of the person who dedicated it to me, so then I start thinking about the person, then it makes me think about all the stupid things I said to that person, it makes me feel bad. But then I think of all the sweet things the person said to me, it makes me feel better. But it goes back and forth, on and on with little intermissions of thoughtful prayers that I can just leave you into the Lords hands. On it goes till I'm fully dressed and ready for good ol'devo.

I go into the kitchen and see a pot full of ripe and ready coffee, ready to be reaped by the many reapers......but then I hear mama and daddy's voice ringing in my ear, begging me not to take a sip of the bean joooice cuz they blame all my sickies from it. But then, stopping coffee means so much to me. Because I remember the farthest we ever walked together to get a cup of coffee. Remember? San Pedro, that stoopid taxi ride that took us nowhere, thinking you were some 'golden god' ready to be picked up by random picker-upers, naming as many fancy smancy cars' as fast as we could, grabbing my hand with the words "trust me" being forced in my ear when we would cross the road on the verge of being the victums of road kill, making fun of my not so famous name brand clothes that I was wearing yet having me still admit that I'm a crazy lover of fashion (git outta here), that bus ride and ur lame face trying to convince me that my boyfriend hated me, your cool music...?

I decide not to drink the bean jooice and stick with good ol'fashion Eco to create new memories.

Then devotions, I sit down and let all the words just sink into me and I fall in love with Him. I get so full of it. Just this morning, I had such a high when I thought about how my twisted up life is gonna straighten up for the better after all the testings are through. Why am I worried that nothing will pull through? It's stupid that I do, cuz it will...cuz He loves me. I just gotta Trust. (Trust joanie....Trust, with a capital "T")

I go outside and I smell the air. I've been getting sucha kick out of the fresh, crisp air that's been swooning around this area. Why does it remind me of you, and those times? Why does it remind me of the time we sat together, stealing a kiss or two when faces weren't staring? Why...?

I eat my breakfast. Thinking about the time we would make breakfast together at noon, (first meal of the day is always called "breakfast" even if its 9 at night...!!!) shooing the boys away due to their monstrous appetite. Chillaxing to the sound of girlie smackings and giggles. Then I remember you and your cuddly self, the easy-going spirit of yours. (shh, Im not lesbo...gosh!)


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I'm hoping this is completely normal to be emotional to everything around me. But I'm REALLY hoping that it'll die down till I'm capable of making a joke on romance. (Aaaah, give me a rose!! SOMEONE!!) PTL! You still love me despite my embarssingness, right? right. Glad we got that covered like grown ups.

Sorry about the horrible grammar, not to mention the brand new words I'm creating in this post. (ahh, now that I've apologized, you have no right to tease me about it...take THAT punk!)

I'm hoping this will suffice as a brand new update for you. I hope you're doing good, I miss you. Thanks for everything, have I mentioned that to you? I bet I haven't....sorry for not thanking you as much as I should. Cuz there's so many things you do that fills me up with a butt load of gratitude; you have a skill to lighten up my world, you know? Keep being you and I'll try being a better me.
(that wasn't to any specific person, that was to everyone who means a lot to me...you all know who you are, so no need to be pointed out.)

And I'll be your crying shoulder,
I'll be loves suicide.
I'll be better when I'm older,
I'll be the greatest fan of your life.